If you want to know how to communicate, the most important rule is to keep your message clear and positive. That makes it so much more likely that you will be understood and that people will be more likely to listen to you as you won’t be perceived as criticizing.

To keep your message simple you should:

- Use short, simple sentences.

- Only make one request or ask one question at a time.

- Be specific with what you say.

- Avoid being over-emotional with negative emotions

Now that you have those basic rules of how to communicate, let us look at some examples of how to use that communication in specific circumstances:

To Give Praise:

It’s nice to know what we do is appreciated, isn’t it? So often we forget to offer praise where it is earned. That’s sad, because if people are praised for doing something good they are more likely to repeat that behavior.

1. Look directly at the person.

2. Tell him or her exactly what they did that was good.

3. Tell the other person exactly how you felt about the good thing they did.

4. Remember to encourage people by praising even small improvements; waiting for praise for major improvements can be too demoralizing.

5. It is important to praise people immediately; that way they feel appreciated and they also know exactly what it is that they’ve done well.

6. Don’t add a critical ‘but’ when you praise. Just praise someone; there is time to address less desirable behaviors elsewhere.

To Make A Request:

If you want a person to act in a particular way or thing something in particular, you need to couch your request in positive terms. Nagging will get you nowhere; neither will demanding your own way. You should instead state clearly what you want that person to do and tell them how much you appreciate what they are doing and the effort that they are making.

1. Look at the person when you talk to him or her.

2. Tell the person specifically what you want them to do.

3. Tell him or her how it would make you feel if they do as you ask.

4. Keep your tone and posture friendly and not demanding or aggressive.

These suggestions won’t guarantee your requests are met; it may be that your request was unreasonable or that the other person could not comply or was unwilling to do so. But asking in such a way makes it more likely that your will get what you ask for.

To Express Negative Feelings:

I’ve just finished telling you how you need to be positive and here I am bringing up negative feelings but the truth is that we all have negative feelings at times; that is natural and if they are not expressed constructively they can be a strong destructive force. There are a few guidelines which should help you express negative feelings constructively so that the matters can be addressed and the problem solved.

1. Maintain eye contact when you speak to the other person.

2. Be specific about how the behavior was unwelcome.

3. Tell the person how it made you feel.

4. Be constructive and simply state how he or she can prevent this problem happening again.

5. Maintain an open, friendly posture which is not aggressive or confrontational.

This should have given you some guidance on how to communicate in certain circumstances but it will also have provided you with some basic guidelines which help in any communication.

There is hope that recovering codependents can have healthy fulfilling relationships. Once you accept your codependency and start work on your own life and yourself, you can begin building or rebuilding relationships with others.

Never feel stuck in a relationship. Don’t stay stuck because of fear, guilt, shame or inferiority. Have the confidence to realize that you are worthy of good things and better conditions. Don’t surrender your power to another. When you surrender your power, you surrender your true self. You then become a victim of your circumstances. Look deep within you and find your own inner answers.

You must nurture both your relationships and yourself. You can gain insight from past relationships. You can grow and not make the same mistakes again. You can learn to respect, accept and have patience within your relationships. You can learn to forgive and learn tolerance. You can learn that nobody is perfect, not others and not yourself.

Elements within a relationship can change over time. There will be both positive and negative energy. As you grow, we will learn to accept both others and yourself. You can learn not to control, but to ask. You can learn that you cannot get all you need from another. You must look within yourself too. Instead of working on the other person, you can learn to work on yourself.

If there are relationships that did not work out in your life, look at them as a learning experience. Looking back, what can you say you learned from that experience? If you do not learn from the past, you are doomed to repeat it in some way. The only person you have control over to change is yourself. And if you do learn the lesson, the next relationship is usually an improvement.

Your past should never be considered mistakes. You went through them for a reason. There was some lesson that needed to be learned. They are a means to grow from. Don’t beat yourself up because of the choices you made. Next time make better choices. You are where you need to be right now. Life always guides you along. And if you make a bad decision, it will still guide you to where you need to be. Just become aware of your choices and your place in life right now.

Life, as well as having a relationship, is a process you go through. That process begins with you. Things may have recently changed within your life or you think something has to change to ensure your happiness. Take everything slowly and think it through. Remember, there are no wrong choices, just lessons to be learned. You always have a choice and you will always have a second chance to get it right.

Take responsibility for your choices, your actions and your life. It may be a struggle, but with time you will get better at it. You will begin to see what will be a right or wrong choice in your life. Allow yourself to get close to others while giving your relationships attention and energy. Your relationships are a reflection of how healthy you are. Give yourself the attention and energy you deserve too.

Saying yes to a much longed for question uttered by the man of your dreams may leave you in a state of euphoria for a while; a day or two maybe. But then again you need to break out of that aura and wake up from the daydream to face up to the numerous wedding preparations that you need to plan and shape up for that fateful day when you will say “I do” to the man whom you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

For most brides, the months or weeks of preparation before the wedding is a mixed emotional state. There is the excitement and anticipation of finally being able to fulfill a cherished childhood dream that every girl has: walking down the aisle in a glorious white wedding gown. And looking at the other side of the coin, there is the stress and the anxiety of getting the wedding things and effects you need in place. But then again, there are ways to handle these strain related matters and that is proper planning.

First thing that you should think about in setting up your wedding is the budget. Ultimately your finances are the starting point in considering the overall arrangements of your wedding. How much you can afford will tell you how many guests you should have, what venue to choose, what wedding theme to avail of and how much you can spend on your wedding dress and wedding favors. Knowing how much money you have at the get go also gives you the option to contemplate and deliberate whether you can content yourself with a small intimate celebration or whether you should avail of loans from trusted family or friends to augment your wedding funds. Either way the decision is up to you. Most people would advise however that it would not matter how great and how expensive the wedding is, what is important is that the event is as memorable as you would have it.

Next on the list is determining your partners. There is the wedding planner, the caterer, the florist and the photographer to name a few. A good number of brides choose to handle wedding preparations on their own. This is because they want to their big day to be more personal and memorable. However, a good wedding planner can take a lot of stress out of your hands. Her job entails fixing up everything that you need and want, coordinating with all the other guys mentioned earlier and even accounting for your funds to make sure that everything is within the budget constraints. Some wedding planners can be more expensive than most so be sure to ask around and select one that best suits you. After you are putting this person in charge of making your fairy tale come true, she must be worth every buck.

Although the wedding planner may have all the moves, the theme for the wedding is for you and your future spouse to decide on. The wedding theme is the foundation from which the other wedding preparations follow. If you decide on a garden wedding then it follows that your dress, your cake, your wedding favors, your table setting and even your food will carry flower patterns and fringes on them. A beach themed wedding can show for some shells, sand or beach decorations. Whatever wedding theme you have in mind, it is usually characteristic of the personalities of the bride and groom or perhaps their likes are the things that make them happy. After all, there is nothing more splendid and wonderful than a wedding celebration.